Shitty Music Has Helped Moron Through Hardest Times In His Pointless Life

CLEVELAND—Praising the incredible healing power of terrible art, local moron Todd Beram credited shitty music with helping him through some of the hardest times in his pointless life, sources confirmed Wednesday. “During some of my lowest moments, when I feel like I just want to disappear or that I can’t possibly go on, I always put on my favorite record, and for a moment, everything feels all right,” said Beram, the absolute fool of a man, who stated he felt “less alone” knowing that millions of other drooling idiots had taken comfort listening to the same insufferable songs for decades. “Whenever I hear those lyrics, it’s like someone’s reading my mind. It gives me so much strength knowing someone’s gone through the exact same struggles I have.” At press time, the 34-year-old dipshit added that he would go so far as to say the Smiths had saved his life.

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